Dating Part 3

I know I know I said I was giving it up, but it’s harder than I realised. Maybe I’m addicted to failure, or that slightly cringing feeling I get when I click through the profiles. I feel like one of BF Skinner’s pigeons- can’t give up trying just in case a reward comes through. Unlikely but always possible.

OKCupid is an American free site, aimed at people who think they’re clever and are slightly nerdy. Just like me! ‘Cept the yankee bit.

I feel compelled to give you some examples of the truly shocking things people agree with in the many multiple choice questions, to save you the bother of registering (unless you’re a funny clever single man in Leeds who wants a sarcastic clever gorgeous girlfriend, in which case get on with it. I’m waiting!).

‘I don’t like to discuss politics with my partner because they’re boring (fair enough) and personal ‘???. Wonder what he’s looking for in a relationship.

‘Flag burning is more offensive than book burning. And should be illegal’.

At least you can screen people out for such weirdness. But it seems there’s very few left after my filtering. And those are married. I may be a victim of my own high standards.

‘I am attracted to intelligent women who where glasses’ ( sic). My kind of man- if he could spell and didn’t follow it up with ‘I’m a Christian and it’s very important’.

Women have an obligation to keep their legs shaved’’. That’s it, I can’t read any more.

I keep saying I’m gonna give up the whole internet dating business, but then I get a message from someone who looks interesting and off I go again swapping personal info, cracking jokes, falling in love with myself all over again. Then they either suddenly stop contact for no apparent reason, never to be heard from again, or I meet them and realise I just don’t fancy middle aged men. Yep, seems I’m the one with the problem.

I’m beginning to see why some 40+ women resort to stealing attached men- the single ones all have sommat wrong with them.  This does not excuse them, but I can understand their desperation. Me, I’m not convinced the attached ones are any better and if he leaves someone for you, then really what do you expect in the future? Oh sorry, you’re special.

Dearie me I am getting cynical. I even reread Valerie Solanas’ SCUM manifesto. She was pretty mad but she had a few good points.

Read it here

Courtesy of OKCupid I’ve now met a hobbit living in Newark, a Finnish anarchowitch who’s 35 but looks like a 50 year old wizard and several 19 year olds who think because I’m their Mum’s age I might teach them a thing or two- they’re mistaken- I really can’t be bothered. I hasten to add I didn’t meet the latter in the flesh. Aint the world a strange place?

And now I’m about to embark on an illadvised affair with a rebellious muslim man fresh out of his marriage with kids, which involved breaking most of my hard learnt rules: he’s on the rebound, we flirted before we even met, discussed sex in way too much detail and agreed to enjoy ourselves with no commitment. Who knew twitter could be an effective instrument of foreplay? For some reason he thinks I’m exotic because I used to go to free festivals, drive my old ambulance to raves, take loads of drugs* and like talking about quantum theories.

I must be bloody mad. Still, it’s unlikely to be boring. I’ve told him that it’s only till Mr Right comes along, at which point we discuss terms and I’ll have to go with the best offer. He’ll then obviously realise he’s madly in love with me and hang desperately onto my leg as I mount Spock’s white charger to ride off into the holographic sunset.

* He ‘thinks’- hearsay m’lud.

UPDATE after 3 months of completely messing me around, the socalled affair didn’t happen. I don’t understand how I let that happen, apart from the fact that I liked him when I met him.

Lesson 1: don’t get involved with ‘separated men’.

Lesson 2: Don’t indulge in sextalk with strangers unless that’s all you want.


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