50 Things part 7

20 Car I knew if I waited long enough a friend would provide. So I now have a shiny blue micra. The dents are like cute dimples, the kangarooing stopped after a few days. I’ve got a ticket to drive and I’m gonna use it.20 car

21 Afternoon in hammock. First sunny June day with an enormous hangover, I lay in my hammock being rocked by the wind. Nowt more to say. 21 hammock

22 Nowt to see here. Ahem.

23 Cream Tea 1: Sunshine Bakery. 23. Cream tea 1 Sunshine Bakery

Biggest tastiest sarnies I’ve ever had as part of a cream tea. Followed by quiche, scones, cupcakes n brownies. Thank goddess they let us take loads home. Gorgeous little place in Chapel A in Leeds. Get yerself down there.

24 Party

My last big blowout I believe, though the gathering of the clans reminded me I’ve been saying that since I was 30 (when I spent a week raving in Ireland with the mighty Smokescreen). I had such a fantastic weekend with old and new mates, fuelled by cava and nostalgia, laughing and dancing to Lula and the Bebops and Lords of Poundland aka Leeds 6 Allstars.

The one and only Harry Bowie

The one and only Harry Bowie

David Bowie sent a gravelly voiced clone and everyone sang ‘You’ve got a friend’ with me, which made my eyes leak. Sometimes the hangover is well worth it.

  1. Puffins

    Post party road trip to find some puffins in my new car with my newly discovered toyboy. Could life get any better? We decided to be spontaneous, ie not prebook on the internet, hence had an hour or so in Seahouses thinking we might be sleeping in the aforesaid car. But no, chance intervened and we ended up in ‘Farne Island BnB’ with the lovely Michael who was incredibly friendly and regaled us with tales of submarine living plus the essential local gossip. We were so lucky.

    The boat trip to see puffins was great, a bit like swaying around in the hammock, but surrounded by men of a certain age carrying HUGE camera lenses. I’ve never seen anything like it. Yep, top birding season explained the lack of local rooms. It turns out puffins are cartoon characters, popping up out of their burrows, walking like little automatons, or doing a panto version of pimp rolling. It was rather upsetting watching them being mugged by 3 or 4 gulls to steal the sand eels straight their mouths. I can’t understand why they stay there under those conditions. We also saw bizarre looking razorbills and several other types of bird, including the legendary arctic terns divebombing people’s heads. I could’ve stayed there for hours.

    We finished the trip by driving for miles through the beautiful Northumbria National Park eyeing up the sheep and dreaming of Sightseers, to catch the 32 second performance by the Silver Swan automaton at Bowes Museum.

Birthday poem by Ruthless.

‘In her Monsoon frocks Jane really rocks
Except fer when she’s wearing sandals with socks
And it’s her 51st year and she’s 50 and and still groovy
With her cream teas and homeopathy
And her courgette and strawberry cake
Which was a real beauty and not a fake
Just like our Jane who is nothing but ace
And even tho she’s not into drum and bass
She loves her David Bowie and Poldark
And reading Germaine Green after dark
Oh Janie Jane we love you, menopause n’all
Let’s raise out glasses and drink to her y’all’

NB. I don’t mind a bit of Drum n Bass. Particularly ‘Woman that rolls’ by Aphrodite.


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